Plot
As Bilbo (Martin Freeman) and his team of 13 dwarves, led by would-be-king Thorin Oakenshield (Richard Armitage), close in on the lost city of Erebor and its dragon scourge Smaug (Benedict Cumberbatch), Gandalf the Grey (Ian McKellen) investigates rumours of rising evil at the abandoned fort Dol Guldur. War is coming.
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| Scrooge McDuck had some serious plastic surgery. |
Review
The first Hobbit film, An Unexpected Journey, was a muted continuation of the Lord of the Rings tradition, a trepid toe in the water, with emphasis less on ‘HOO HA CINEM-A’ and more on measured world-building which pleased longtime fans and alienated much of everyone else who wanted the same mix of big action and big characters (not that that stopped it pulling in over $1 billion of course).
Part 2 The Desolation of Smaug, while bigger, more fantastical and, generally speaking, LotR-er is ultimately, well…less.
The Desolation of Smaug is, as you might expect, a visual splendour. Mostly. From the natural gorgeousity of New Zealand’s mountain vistas, to the superlative production design (the murky Dickensian Lake-Town is superb), to the wonderfully accomplished monster design (the titular dragon is as epic in both scale and character as could be hoped) Desolation is a frequent feast for the eyes. And yet, frequent ‘too-obvious’ green-screening, some dodgy CGI and baffling camera quirks threaten to up-end the status quo like so many barrels in a river.
In more ways than one however, Desolation undermines its own quality with almost inexplicable bouts of laziness, capitulated by seemingly incomplete CGI (either that or all of the budget went into making Smaug look incredible) and increasingly irksome quirks. Here’s hoping you’re a fan of whispered histrionic key words as the camera zooms melodramatically on character’s faces, because there’s a lot of it!
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| Tauriel here being all 'drop my Gameboy, bitch!' |
Whereas An Unexpected Journey moved with all the urgency of a snail on Sunday, Desolation is almost exhausting with its ceaseless, escalating set pieces and hijinks. A transforming giant bear man, an orc attack, trippy trees, nightmarish spiders, douchey elves, another orc attack (with barrels) and more all kick-off before we get to see even a solitary scale.
It’s exciting stuff - supported by a stoically badass return of Legolas (Orlando Bloom) and new creation Tauriel (Evangeline Lilly), an equally ass-kicking elf who lends a much needed female presence to proceedings – even if the dwarves (and indeed any character who isn’t Bilbo) still feel like notably one-note creations. Provided you can actually tell them apart of course.
The problem however is that, obvious quality aside, these big blockbuster set-pieces drown each other out. They literally bleed one into the other, with very little breathing space in-between. It’s almost like Jackson wanted to make up for the glacial progression of the first film and packed in as many beheadings, last-second arrow headshots, and highbrow highjinks that you can shake an Elven steel sword at. There’s that old mantra, ‘quality versus quantity,’ but Desolationis proof of what happens when you have too much of both and nowhere to put it, culiminating with the sense that our dwarven friends have found a stash of the world’s finest plot armour.
Speaking of dwarves (because how can you not?) Desolation tries to give each of the small hairy men their chance in the spotlight, as brief as those chances may be. You’ve got Barrel McBashy, the drunk one, the Forehead and, um…and…and the old one, and the one that isn’t Gimli. But, presumably because he’s the least dwarfy (and therefore, invariably, the least interesting) the biggest spotlight is shone on the diminuitive figure of Kili (OH! Kili’s brother is another one, so that’s a thing) as part of what may be the worst ‘love’ triangle ever conceived on the cinema screen.
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| Not sure which one that is...Stabby? |
Tauriel is great – she’s a badass, fun character to be around – but why oh why does having a female character mean that there has to be a romance aspect? All the romance this film needs is the sexual tension inherent when a group of aggressive men traverse the country together, no love triangles God forbid, especially when said triangle is by a distance the most humourous thing in a rather comedic film, shared by the least interesting dwarf imaginable, a po-faced albino murderer and the one new element added to the film that threatens to work. Its ‘development’ boils down to a few flaccid platitudes, a load of lingering looks, some bizzarely hilarious imagery, woeful dialogue and….yeah, the point here is that it’s bad.
For all its runtime and explosive content, Desolation’s pacing still feels several degrees ‘off’; do you really like Gandalf? Well too bad, his potentially engaging sub-plot (culminating in a battle with a Window’s Media Player display) barely registers. Most notably however is the complete lack of emphasis on Bilbo; he may be the story’s hero, but what does that matter when there’re shiny singing elves to gawp over? Freeman continues to absolutely own his role, and its testament to the missed opportunity Desolationrepresents that that strongest scenes of the film (at least to begin with, before the dwarves turn up and the whole thing goes on way too long) are between Bilbo and Smaug not because of Smaug – although the hellbeast is admittedly fantastic – but because Bilbo is the life-and sole of The Hobbit. He is the goddamn hobbit after all!
Desolation concludes on a cliffhanger that can be seen from space and the distinct feeling that with more Bilbo the whole thing would’ve felt a bit fresher, a bit warmer….a bit better.
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| Gawjuss. |
Verdict
The Desolation of Smaug is an enjoyable romp undone by small (but plentiful) irks – lamentable dialogue, periodically poor visuals, irritating camera habits – which, when added together, create a sense of ‘not quite finished.’
3/5
Growly growly dragon voice:
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