The Counselor Review - OR - Think to Your Doom

Plot

A high-flying lawman (Michael Fassbender) is living the good life, full of riches and the girl of his dreams, Laura (Penelope Cruz). However, after involving himself in a drug deal with kingpin Reiner (Javier Bardem) and middle-man Westray (Brad Pitt), his plans go array. He, along with his associates, become prime targets for the ruthless Mexican Cartel, triggering a desperate fight for survival against unseen forces.

He was an unconventional therapist.

Review

What is The Counselor? It’s ostensibly a thriller; at least that’s what the adverts say. A thriller presumably based on the experiences of the titular lawman.

…But that’s probably wrong.

Who knows what The Counselor actually is. Scriptwriter Cormac McCarthy might, or director Ridley Scott. Though that’s a long shot.

The Counselor is weird.

You think massages are relaxing? YOU IDIOT. They're obviously about symbolism and stuff.

There are two things that make up The Counselor: it’s cast and it’s script. Oh boy, what an ensemble. Diaz, Pitt, Fassbender, Cruz, Bardem? Sign me the hell up! But wait: there’s a lot more to a film than an A-Team cast. If anything, The Counselor is hearty testimony to the whole ‘don’t judge a book by it’s cover’ thing, though the meaning may very well be inverted.

Not that the cast aren’t good. They are actually – Diaz (as Reiner’s hot-blooded girlfriend Malkina) is…unrecongisable; it’s either her best or her worst performance ever (a weird notion, but the line is honestly that thin) – and many of the strongest scenes are the various loquacious, metaphysical conversations between the central quintet.  Pitt and Fassbender discussing snuff films, Bardem and Fassbender talking about the ultimate murder weapon? It’s chilling stuff, testament to the power of words. But for every scene where McCarthy and Scott’s nuanced ethereal style works, there are another three where it doesn’t.

The narrative is, quite literally, all over the place and doesn’t seem bothered to answer very basic questions, normally based along the lines of ‘who the hell is that?’ Most notably, there is zero reasoning given behind the Counselor’s decision to become embroiled in the drug deal in the first place (his is the life of luxury), or indeed what his role is. There’s a brief scene concerning some diamonds and a metaphorical need for perfection…or something. And that’s just the issue: sometimes subtlety simply doesn’t work, especially when it’s subtlety so subtle it threatens to blow away if you blink too hard.

In one scene, Cameron Diaz has sex with a car. And it probably means something, or a whole bunch of somethings, like…materialism? The debasement of sex and society? Was she just horny? Who knows. It so obviously means something, and that something is so emphatically obtuse, that it’s hard to really care. Especially when it’s presented, probably metaphorically, as a flashback.

Bardem here showing you what happens when you mix cocaine with rainbows.

Presentation is the biggest issue here. Characters will flash by in an instant (including criminally short turns by Natalie Dormer, Dean Norris and John Leguizamo) and several scenes either make no sense at all or so little sense, devoid of context and narrative significance as they are, that they’re almost applaudable.

Ultimately, the morally grey dystopic world, where ‘good’ and ‘bad’ are interchangeable notions bordering on pointless and even the smallest of decisions can have unforeseen cosequences, has been better done elsewhere. Much better done in some circumstances. Ever heard of Breaking Bad?

But what about that screenplay?

The dialogue is not remotely realistic; it’s never meant to be (note: literary). But whatever philosophy McCarthy has embedded in the DNA of the film threatens to become lost entirely. It’s interesting granted, grimly dealing with machinations of morality and choice (…I think), but its development and delivery is more ‘…eh?’ rather than ‘hmm.’ Every character has apparently read the same Big Ol’ Book O’ Platitudes and will jump at the chance to throw words like ‘choice,’ ‘fate’, ‘destiny’ and others at each other in an escalating conflict of the obscure.

But let’s omit a few words here: pretentious, pointless, ponderous. If it wasn’t for the scattershot approach to the narrative and frequently fleeting characters, the dialogue may very well command the film front and centre, grabbing it and its audience by the scruff of the neck, demonstrating the secret beauty of a nihilistic world, where ‘cinematic’ refers less to visual set-piece and more to mental dexterity. The Counselor is a hard sell, McCarthy’s script even more so, but with the plethora of intrinsic failings there’s a lethal lack of focus and everything starts to seem just a little bit…pretentious, pointless and ponderous.

Why is there a horse on top of that car?

Verdict

The Counselor is weirdly self-reflective: a humdinger of a cast and crew, it looks gorgeous, inviting, undeniably alluring – it just has to be good, look at it! – but it hides a secret darkness, where everything is far different than what it seems.

3/5

It's one of those 'deceptive' ones:

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