Movie News #3: THE OSCARS 2013

Another year, another hangover.

At least that's the case for this year's menagerie of winners, losers and enthusiastic supporters. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the movie year has officially come to it's ridiculously dated end in a ceremony so bloated it needed a whole two extra months to even exist. We're talking, of course, about the 2013 Academy Awards.

Too. Much. Awesome. For. Sarcastic. Comment.

Hosted by l'enfant terrible Seth Macfarlane and with the most diverse collection of nominations for a fair few years, the Oscars threatened to be a tad interesting affair. As it turned out, it went almost exclusively by the numbers, many of the winners already pre-determined by the industry's less illustrious pomp orgies that have taken place since the start of the new year. Having said that however, there were a few surprises and no shortage of talking points in a cinematic year that saw James Bond's 50th anniversary, the celluloid immortalisation of America's favourite son, the word 'unfilmable' being rendered redundant and an animated sexually agitated bear bring Flash Gordon swearing and doping back onto the big-screen.

Daniel Day-Lewis, in blistering form all award season, picked up his record breaking 3rd Best Lead Actor Oscar for playing the eponymous president in Lincoln while Anne Hathaway and her missile nipples (which, within seconds after appearing on the red carpet, picked up their own Twitter account...oh Internet, you're so Internet) picked up Best Supporting Actress to the surprise of absolutely no one.

Christoph Waltz bagged his second Best Supporting Actor award with his second nomination in a heartily deserved move by the Academy and continued to prove himself as the single best acceptance speech giver in the industry. That guy really love dragons.

'It's alright, Jack, we'll get you back to home soon.'

The prime rump on the cow carcus of the Oscars (you read that right) – the Best Picture award – went, unsurprisingly following the previous ceremonies, to Argo, where Ben Affleck described his marriage as 'work, but the best kind of work' in an ultimately suicidal attempt at being squishy and endearing. 

The biggest loser was Lincoln, picking up just 2 awards out of its 12 nominations, with Best Director going to Life of Pi's Ang Lee in the biggest (and most pleasant) surprise of the night. Is this evidence of a more progressive Academy voting base, where technology isn't something to be stigmatised and ignored but something to embrace in the greater aim of industry evolution? Or were they all scared and confused, with no idea why Ben Affleck wasn't nominated, and so rewarded whoever came first alphabetically in their senile panic? Time will tell but, bottom line, Life of Pi was an exceptional conflation of classical storytelling and cutting edge technological wizardry masterfully controlled by the most zen man on the planet.

Elsewhere, Adele won the 'bubbliest speech' award alongside her Best Song gong for 'Skyfall,' Pixar added another one to the coffers with a Best Animated Film award for Brave, Tarantino got his second golden beefcake for 'Best Original Screenplay' for Django Unchained with Chris Terrio picking up Best Adapted Screenplay for Argo. Les Miserable and Life of Pi exchanged the technical awards amongst themselves to come out as the top earners of the night with 3 and 4 wins respectively.

She may have fallen over, but you'll never flip the bird so elegantly.

Best Actress was always going to be one of the more competitive categories. With three of the five nominees each picking up a different major award during the award season (Jessica Chastain – Golden Globe, Jennifer Lawrence – SAG award, Emmanuelle Riva – BAFTA) it was almost impossible to predict. And yet, in a rare occurrence, the Academy actually managed to surprise, making Jennifer Lawrence the second youngest Best Actress winner ever. True to her utterly endearing and infinitely likeable self, Lawrence, who slipped on the way to the podium, made the cinematic world fall in love with her all over again, addressing her standing ovation with 'you're only standing because I fell over!' Not even Seth Macfarlane, this years unfortunate tot chosen to host through a presumable Hunger Games-esque death ballot system, could work in an attack.

So how about the hosting? Being an Oscars host is like being homecoming queen (I assume, being British and woefully uncool I have absolutely no idea): you're the centre of attention, expected to make a barnstorming speech and be ceaselessly likeable. Either that or American TV has been lying to me all these years.

Empire perhaps worded it best, questioning 'whether hosting [the Oscars] has joined England manager and Lance Armstrong’s chemist as The Impossible Job?' The fact of the matter remains that, following Billy Crystals award winning hosting joviality in 1997, helming the Oscars is a masochistic exercise. Some do just enough to pass and be remembered favourably, Jon Stewart for example, but most find themselves stuck in a performance limbo between ceremonial gush and ratings friendly controversy.

'If it isn't funny, I didn't write it.'

Despite the overwhelmingly mixed response to Macfarlane's musical heavy offering, he performed commendably in being entertaining without being obtrusive. While visibly nervous on occasion – and despite suffering from that ghastly habit of laughing during your own jokes – he made for an approachable figure, taking the entire palava with a pinch of subtle self-satire so integral during a night of such grandiose celebration. His opening stint consisted of playful musical numbers ('The Boobs Song' is likely to live long in the memory) overseen by an omniscient time-travelling William Shatner, returning from a canonically loose 'future' in a bizarre Looper homage to his Star Trek routes to warn Macfarlane of his inevitable hosting failure. While overlong it was pleasantly entertaining and set the mood for a night containing jokes about slavery, domestic abuse and the Nazis.

For a full list of award winners click here.

Top 10 Moments

1)  William Shatner and the Opening
It’s been explained above, but Shatner’s quite frankly perplexing appearance gave the greatest laughs-per-minute ratio of the night. If not for any reason other than it was William Shatner.

2)  Michelle Obama and the Best Picture award
For the biggest award of the night, the Academy pulled out all the stops to get a suitable presenter. And boy did they pull it off! While the banter with Jack Nicholson was firmly in fumbly territory, the live stream of the First Lady’s grinning face gave the occasion a unique sense of gravitas.

3)  Jennifer Lawrence, her trip and her Best Actress win
Another issue touched on above, but her undeniable laid-backed coolness makes her a perennial highlight. She was also the ‘best dressed’ according to a bunch of different websites, so that’s pretty cool too.

4)  Christoph Waltz and his Best Supporting Actor speech
We love the Waltz at WITATaS, simple as. His speeches are brilliantly kooky and that trend didn’t stop with his Best Supporting Actor Oscar for Django Unchained. Hugging him would make my life.

5)  Tarantino Vs. the Academy
One of the most famous aspects of any award ceremony (though particularly with The Oscars) is that dreaded piece of play-off music when a speech rambles on too long. It’s the death knell for any prize winner, the ultimate attack of public face…unless you’re Quentin Tarantino, in which case you make the music shut-up, finish your speech and march off triumphantly. Respect.
Although…

He justs wants to make friends...honest.

6)  The Jaws Theme

Dundun, dundun, dundundundun and so on ad nauseam.
Said piece of play-off music this year was the omnipotently famous Jaws theme.
Hilarious on paper perhaps. But when Bill Westenhofer, Guillaume Rocheron, Erik-Jan De Boer and Donald R. Elliot attempted to support the struggling artists of bankrupt FX studio Rhythm and Blues upon winning Best Visual Effects for Life of Pi, they were not only Jaws-ed off the stage but they had their mics silenced. Adverts followed soon after their public humiliation, which may explain their treatment, but frankly the whole thing seemed slightly more nefarious.

7)  Shirley Bassey and ‘Goldfinger’
There was a lot of love for Bond what with it being the series’ 50^thanniversary, we had a montage of music and highlights and Adele sang her Best Song winning ‘Skyfall.’ The highlight of them all however was the return of super diva Shirley Bassey, bringing the entire theatre to their feet with an explosive rendition of ‘Goldfinger.’

8)  Daniel Day-Lewis making history
He’s already a screen legend and now it’s as good as official. His third Best Lead Actor award (this time for Lincoln) inarguably makes him the Oscar’s most decorated actor. Proud to be British.

9)  Tommy Lee Jones smiling
His misery is as famous as he is. So when Seth Macfarlane burst on to the stage and declared that his primary goal for the night was to make Lee Jones smile, we were all supporting him. That old misery guts then promptly burst into a proper heart-wrenching old-man smile gave Macfarlane a golden start to his hosting stint. The world wept tears of happiness too.

10)                Anne Hathaway’s nips
Fantastic award-winning actress she may but her dress was a bit of a disaster, the under wiring/support making for a couple of chesty howitzers. To be honest though, this is a highlight almost exclusively for the twitter account (@AnnesNipples) which beautifully epitomised the unsettling nature of the Internet.

Ba-boom!

And that about sums it up, ladies and gentlemen.

It’s done, dusted, kaput for whole other year. So until then, eat well, exercise regularly and (because we’ve mentioned Star Trek therefore making this alright) live long and prosper.

The Oscars in 60 seconds...and not THREE F*****G HOURS

As a final note, please follow me on Twitter: @smariman. You'll get told of updates and new posts as soon as they happen as well as the odd desperate attempt at being funny, entertaining and likeable. Such is life.

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Movie News #2: BAFTAs, Boba, Half-Life, Page and Nemo

Y’see, y’see, we don’t quite forget about everything here at WITATaS. We promised weekly movie news and – oh whadya know – you’re getting…fortnightly movie news.

Close enough.

'A eyeless death-mask on a stick.' Billy Connolly; the man of cheers.

 Britain Steals the Limelight, Hollywood Takes it to Court: BAFTA winners announced

Another week another awards ceremony, if there was a global ego meter a la South Park it would doubtlessly be off the chart come every January. So far there’s already been the Golden Globes and the various Guild awards (Critics, Actors, Directors, Producers, Writers) and now, as we enter the most voluptuous month of the year, it’s BAFTA’s turn with the golden envelopes.

It was a mostly by-the-numbers ceremony so far as the winners went; Argo picked up the Picture, Director, Editor trio in a further blow to the Academy’s ludicrous nominations. Anne Hathaway and Daniel Day-Lewis continued their dominance in their respective acting fields (Supporting Actress and Actor respectively) while Christoph Waltz won his second Best Supporting Actor award of the season to boost his chances in the run-up to the Oscars.

Elswhere however Emmanuelle Riva emerged from the leftest field to falconpunch the Best Actress category deeper into the ‘who the hell knows!’ territory before the Oscars. Jessica Chastain (Golden Globes) and Jennifer Lawrence (SAG Awards) have also picked up a major award, so rather than making a bet on the Oscar this year you’d be better served throwing a needle into a haystack.

Stephen Fry was in imperious form all night and managed to charm the socks off pretty much everyone ever and their dog while Samuel L. Jackson reminded the world that he is, in fact, a badass motherf****r: ‘can I just say – of course I can, I’m Samuel L. Jackson!’

For a full list of winners have a gander here.

‘I’m going to give you a film,’ ‘I know.’: Han Solo and Boba Fett standalone Star Wars films confirmed, punning destroys the planet.

'You want to play me? Bring it on, bro!'

 In what was something of a surprising move Disney have announced two standalone Star Wars films in addition to the new trilogy, proving that it’s never too early to start milking that raspy cash cow.

First reported by The Hollywood Reporter, Lawrence Kasdan (he of Empire Strikes Back and, to a lesser furry extent, Return of the Jedi fame) and Simon Kinberg have both been brought on to helm a galactic project each. Just who will get what is still floating in the ether far, far away but we do know that the films will focus on everybody’s favourite loveable rogue/ornament Han Solo and loquacious bounty hunter Boba Fett.

For a bit more tasty speculation, Solo’s film is rumoured to focus on his younger days – so at some point between episodes III and IV – when, at least in the extended Star Wars universe, he worked as some form of space marine. Because we don’t have too many of them these days. So long as Chewbacca shows up at some point (if they don’t do a meet-cute I’ll slap a hamster) then we can all be happy.

Boba Fett’s vehicle will also focus on his early days, possibly showing his growth from whiny child to badass bounty hunter between episodes II and IV. The prequels already did an outstanding job of ruining pretty much everything that made Boba Fett an interesting character (note: his elusive ambiguity) so we can at least be safe in the knowledge that this film can't make things any worse.

As a closing exciting tid-bit, if the films do focus on the gap between the two trilogies then there’s a prime opportunity for some more Vader action. There is absolutely nothing confirmed just yet, but some more of the liquid sugar that is James Earle Jones’ voice can only be a good thing.

Next up: Lion King 4: Mufasa’s Revenge.

‘Wake up Mr. Freeman’: Half-Life and Portal films confirmed

...........................

In continuation of his one man crusade against anybody else actually getting work in Hollywood, J. J. Abrams has been drafted in to helm the upcoming Half-Lifeand Portal films.

Valve’s classic series’ don’t naturally equate to cinematic adaptation – one being an effectively narrativeless puzzle game, the other sporting a silent protagonist – and video games traditionally have a torrid time on the big screen, but we can perhaps covet a modicum of hope for these.

Similar to the ‘cautiously optimistic’ vein that welcomed Abrams commandeering of Star Wars, the sci-fi maestro’s filmic track record bodes well for a faithful retelling of these mammoth series’. Valve’s fans are famously ultra-dedicated to their titles – sensitive to the minutest balls-up – so Abrams will have to tread mightily steady. Even more so than with Star Wars, at least there he has the reassurance that the brand can’t be shoved any further into the filthy mire.

In an interview with Polygon, Abram’s stated:

"We're…aware of the cautionary tales of movies that became games and vice versa. Our goal here to is to treat the world Valve has created in both these properties like anyone would a book or some great story that comes from a pitch or original script — just to treat it with the respect they treat their games and their players with."

See, he’s a smart guy that J. J.

From the Page to the Screen: Ellen Page’s directorial debut unveiled.

There's no wind in this picture. Hairstyling is simply remarkable in Hollywood these days.

She’s evolved from the sweetheart of Indy cinema (Juno) to a stalwart of the Hollywood blockbuster scene (X-Men 3, Inception) and she’s about to make the Blastoise jump to the ultimate cinematic form: director.

Titled Miss Stevens, Ellen Page’s first flick finds Anna Faris in the leading role playing a teacher who’s life is up defecation creak without any means of propulsion. The film follows the currently nameless teacher as she chaperones a clan of High School kiddywinkles on a trip to a state drama competition.

Not the most engaging of concepts perhaps, but Page’s acting credentials bode well for a charming, entertaining and touching production with a finger very much pressed to the pulse of popular culture.

Elsewhere, Page will soon be starring in The East – which premiered at Sundance – before moving on to the production X-Men: Days of Future Past. It’s going to be a busy year for one of Hollywood’s hottest properties.

He Just Won’t Stop Swimming: Finding Nemo 2is coming together nicely

You see those dilated eyes? That's the effects of pollution.

Cars 2, Monster’s University, the Toy Story Trilogy: yep, Pixar are definitely a product of Disney, the master of the assembly line.

Finding Nemo 2 is the latest treasured childhood memory to be thrown naked and crying into the unwanted limelight but at least the original A-Team are reforming for it.

Andrew Stanton, still licking his wounds after the majestic failure of John Carter, will be sat in the director’s chair while Elen DeGeneres (Dory) and Albert Brooks (Marlin) have signed up to reprise their scaly roles.

In what is proving to be a delightfully infuriating theme, very little is known about the film at this time; with several projects still in the pipeline, the provisionally titled Finding Nemo 2 is still resolutely in pre-production.

But still, more fishy fabulousness, huzzah! Let’s celebrate down the chippy.

Feeling a bit down? Relive your childhood:

As a final note, please follow me on Twitter: @smariman. You'll get told of updates and new posts as soon as they happen as well as the odd desperate attempt at being funny, entertaining and likeable. Such is life.

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